Self Confidence and self Esteem have to reflect Heaven’s standard not human standards. It cannot be based on our emotions or a self-image.
We have all experienced rejection in various life situations. And, chances are, we have dealt with it in healthy or not so healthy ways. Many experience rejection during childhood through conscious (or unconscious) parental rejection, neglect, abuse, or even parent abandonment. As forgiving as children are, they do not escape the effects of a parent who ignored their needs for love, respect and presence. Children of rejection, as I call them, often struggle well into adulthood, trying to feel good about themselves; doing all kinds of things to avoid being hurt again. They may become obsessed with work, or crave order in their lives, or may exhibit very poor work ethics. It is common for people who fear further rejection to develop depression, addictions, become promiscuous, or to have unreasonable fears of inadequacy and low self worth. This person may run from emotional intimacy for fear of being rejected again or marrying the first person that gives them some attention. The children of rejection try so hard to be accepted they may scare others away with their neediness. Some may be so self centered that they cannot relate to anything that doesn’t directly affect them, resulting in a lack of empathy for others. In each case, they end up feeling worse about themselves. As their self- esteem sinks lower and lower, falling deeper into despair.
To overcome low self-esteem and to build self confidence, our self-image needs to reflect our dependence on God and how He sees us. In 2 Cor. 10:12,18, Paul wrote, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. . . . For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends”
Paul is telling us to put our confidence in God, not in ourselves or in others opinion. Using this as our starting point, we can have a new perspective about ourselves, altering our emotional state. We can stop believing the lie that was told to us somewhere along life’s path: that we are not good enough. The source of that deception may have more to do with our relationship (or lack thereof) with our parents, or another authority figure to whom we were dependent upon for approval. Or its source could be the worldly values of how we look, how smart we are, power, popularity, money and other standards, rather than who we really are in God’s eyes. What we value will determine how we feel about ourselves and how long that feeling will last. There is nothing wrong with these world values as long as we use them with God’s guidance to bless others. But when it comes to the real basis of self-esteem, we need to build on the truth of what the Lord said about us. The truth is who we are, real happiness, and inner emotional healing comes from God. This truth is eternal and infinitely better than any other worldly standards.
May you receive God’s truth each and every day.
-Karen VanDyke
We have all experienced rejection in various life situations. And, chances are, we have dealt with it in healthy or not so healthy ways. Many experience rejection during childhood through conscious (or unconscious) parental rejection, neglect, abuse, or even parent abandonment. As forgiving as children are, they do not escape the effects of a parent who ignored their needs for love, respect and presence. Children of rejection, as I call them, often struggle well into adulthood, trying to feel good about themselves; doing all kinds of things to avoid being hurt again. They may become obsessed with work, or crave order in their lives, or may exhibit very poor work ethics. It is common for people who fear further rejection to develop depression, addictions, become promiscuous, or to have unreasonable fears of inadequacy and low self worth. This person may run from emotional intimacy for fear of being rejected again or marrying the first person that gives them some attention. The children of rejection try so hard to be accepted they may scare others away with their neediness. Some may be so self centered that they cannot relate to anything that doesn’t directly affect them, resulting in a lack of empathy for others. In each case, they end up feeling worse about themselves. As their self- esteem sinks lower and lower, falling deeper into despair.
To overcome low self-esteem and to build self confidence, our self-image needs to reflect our dependence on God and how He sees us. In 2 Cor. 10:12,18, Paul wrote, “We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. . . . For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends”
Paul is telling us to put our confidence in God, not in ourselves or in others opinion. Using this as our starting point, we can have a new perspective about ourselves, altering our emotional state. We can stop believing the lie that was told to us somewhere along life’s path: that we are not good enough. The source of that deception may have more to do with our relationship (or lack thereof) with our parents, or another authority figure to whom we were dependent upon for approval. Or its source could be the worldly values of how we look, how smart we are, power, popularity, money and other standards, rather than who we really are in God’s eyes. What we value will determine how we feel about ourselves and how long that feeling will last. There is nothing wrong with these world values as long as we use them with God’s guidance to bless others. But when it comes to the real basis of self-esteem, we need to build on the truth of what the Lord said about us. The truth is who we are, real happiness, and inner emotional healing comes from God. This truth is eternal and infinitely better than any other worldly standards.
May you receive God’s truth each and every day.
-Karen VanDyke
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